Ménage à trois
by Shadowside
Summary: The Doctor brings his companions to an alien planet that seems to have some strange effect on them. Eleven/Amy/Rory oneshot. Heavily suggestive themes.


At the TARDIS console, the Doctor looked over buttons and levers. Neither Amy or Rory were around to request a time or place for him to travel to, so it would be up to him to surprise them. He hummed to himself before punching in a few buttons. Before too much longer, he had set a course and landed the TARDIS on a nearby planet. Delighted to get out and explore, he called out to his companions.

"Ponds! It's time for adventure," he said, in a sing-song voice.

Amy walked out first, with Rory following her closely behind.

"What kind of adventure do you have for us today, Doctor?" she asked, putting one hand on her hip.

"I'm not sure," The Doctor said cheerily. "I was passing this planet, I took a quick look, and thought 'why the hell not?'!"

Rory looked apprehensive. "What if there's a race of aliens who want to kidnap my wife... again?" he murmured.

"Ha, well, I'm The Doctor, they'll think twice when they see me," the Time Lord said with a grin.

They stepped out of the TARDIS onto a plane of twisting, glowing flowers. There were vines so thick and round that they towered over them like skyscrapers, keeping them in their shadows. Pollen was wafting into the air, crystalline in nature and glittering in the dull, red sunlight. The Doctor collapsed his hands together, and was turning back to his companions to ask them what they thought of the planet, when he saw Amy lurch towards him and kiss him.

"No!" he cried, muffled. He pushed her away. "Not again, Amy Pond! Rory's _right there_." He turned to gesture towards Mr. Pond, but he only found himself being kissed by him as well. "No! Not again, Rory!" he yelled, backing away. "I mean... oh..." He glanced towards his female companion.

"Again?" echoed Amy. Her voice wasn't angry, in fact it was more sultry.

"What's gotten into you two?" The Doctor grumbled, ignoring what she'd said. "I thought you'd be happy to go on an adventure, but that wasn't the way I expected you to thank me."

Rory walked up to the Doctor, grabbing him by the hand.

The alien protested, "No, Rory, what are you doing?"

Amy only sauntered towards him as well, placing her hand on his bum and giving a squeeze. The Doctor yelped, and lurched forward to escape his companions' wandering hands. "That's it, Ponds! We're leaving. There must be something in the air here." He put his hands in his pockets to feel for his TARDIS keys, but they were not there. "That's funny..."

He looked up to see Amy holding them, waving them around tauntingly. "Looking for these, Doctor?" she asked.

"Amy, give those back!" The Doctor yelled, his tone changing to commanding.

She simply threw the keys into the alien flower patch. Horror crept over the Doctor, and he leaped forward to go digging through the flowers to get his keys back. "I can't believe this," he groaned to himself. While he bent over, Amy crept up behind him and pulled his trousers down, exposing undergarments. He turned to her, exasperated. "Amy!" he snapped.

Rory pushed The Doctor to the ground, grabbing him by the shirt collar and moving his hand towards his underpants. Amy grabbed the Doctor and pinned him to the ground, kissing him on the lips passionately. The Doctor struggled to get away, kicking and fussing until he squirmed out of their grasp.

"I mean, I've had dreams like this but... no! Just no! I can't do this, it doesn't feel right!" The Doctor exclaimed. The worst part was that he knew that one day he'd be gallivanting around with their daughter. If he gave in and slept with Amy and Rory, it'd be like screwing his own father-in-law and mother-in-law. Not to mention that he'd known Amy when she was a child. Still, he realized, he might never ever get this chance again.

"Come on, Doctor," purred Amy, tugging on The Doctor's jacket until it came off into her hands. "You know you've been wanting this."

The alien bit his lower lip. He hadn't done anything like this he had Tegan and Turlough around. "How about we... how about we go back to the TARDIS, then?" he suggested. "No harm in being comfortable. I mean, look at this ground. It's full of thorns, and I hate thorns."

Amy licked her lips suggestively. "Alright, Doctor," she said. "You can see what it's like to have wild bunk bed sex."

"But I installed those so that you wouldn't have wild... any... sex," The Doctor said, frowning. He'd already known that Rory and Amy had gotten around that, but he was having a hard time processing everything. He was finding that in this version of himself, he was a little shy of things like this. Mostly right now, he just wanted his companions to get back into the TARDIS so that he could leave the planet and free them of whatever influence had turned them into nymphomaniacs. He supposed it just didn't affect Time Lords, which was a pity.

His keys were tossed to him, and he opened up the TARDIS. Amy and Rory followed him with hungry eyes, ready to pounce on him the moment he got inside. He rushed in as quickly as he could, given the fact that his trousers were still down, and he pushed the buttons on the console to get them back into deep space. As soon as they were out there, he turned to them with relief.

"Oh, you should have seen yourselves," he laughed. "You were both about ready to give it to me good. We're not going back to that planet anytime soon... Amy? ... Rory?"

The Doctor noticed that they were still advancing towards him, and they both had noticeably less clothing on than before. "What's going on? I thought that would break the influence that the alien pollen had on you!" he exclaimed.

"What influence?" Rory said with a crooked smile.

The Doctor's jaw practically fell to the floor. "You mean...?"

Amy placed her hand on The Doctor's chest. "Silly boy," she laughed. "We're not under the influence of anything."

The Time Lord picked a bit of the crystal pollen off of her bra. "We'll see about that," he said firmly.

He fed it into the TARDIS, and was utterly stunned when it came up with no mind-altering properties at all. "There must be something wrong with my scanners," he said, trying to reassure himself.

Rory shook his head. "No, Doctor. Amy and I have been talking about this for a long time. So... are you coming to the bedroom?"

There was a pause, and then The Doctor smiled. "Why the hell not?"


End file.
